Define "chronic" masturbator.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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