two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
