grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
