i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
