so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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