I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
