Will you blow on my dice?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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