You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
