i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
