Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
