When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
