it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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