That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
