you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
