Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
