Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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