every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
