there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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