I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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