so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
