god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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