Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
