??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
