dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
