Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
