Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
