You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
