I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
