***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
