I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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