I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
