She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
