She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
