I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
