those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
