I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
