VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
