Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
