The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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