i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
