someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
