i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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