i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need to stop coming to work sober
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
