Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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