Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
