Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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