I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
