Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
