the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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