Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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