it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
