I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone came in the potted fern
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
