I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
