I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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