I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
