you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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