turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
