I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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