i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize