If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
