we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
