guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
