it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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