everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice