The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?