I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew