that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.