Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
