it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
