I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
