I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
