I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
