i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
