Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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