I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize