I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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