just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize