u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
